The Viral Speech that Launched Kelsey O’Connor’s Speaking Career

Kelsey O’Connor

Motivational Speaker, Former D1 Student-Athlete, & Recent Social Work Graduate from North Carolina State University

Kelsey is a motivational speaker, former D1 student-athlete, and recent social work graduate from North Carolina State University. After recovering from a head injury that abruptly ended her athletic career, Kelsey graduated and delivered a commencement speech that went viral on TikTok and Facebook with over 40M (million) views across platforms combined. Now, Kelsey travels the country to share her story and new perspective.

SHOW NOTES

Kelsey O’Connor was a D1 student-athlete at North Carolina State University until she suffered a traumatic brain injury that abruptly ended her athletic career. Her journey of recovery and overcoming immense was the basis of her commencement address that went viral on TikTok and Facebook with over 40M (million) views.

In our season 3 finale, Kelsey tells her story and how it led her to become a sought-after public speaker.

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Kelsey O’Connor’s Speech
Life Beyond Labels Podcast

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Amplify with Jess is produced by Earfluence, and brought to you by Mic Drop Workshop.

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:01 – Kelsey O’Connor
I start to process it without the regret because I feel like I did everything in my power that I possibly could to achieve this goal and pray for it to work out. And if I did everything I could and exhausted everything, I was kind. I was a good teamie. I knew all of the field crew, like all of those things. So just being a good person for NC State, being hard working at the game, then I feel like I can go through my life with peace, knowing that I did everything I could, but I don’t need it anymore.

00:00:33 – Jess Ekstrom
Welcome to Amplify with Jess Ekstrom a show designed to help women get out of their head and into their zone of influence. Today’s guest is Kelsey O’Connor, someone who’s had what many of us want to have one of our speeches go viral, and it was awesome. Kelsey was an athlete at NC State University, but she suffered from a traumatic brain injury, and she struggled to speak without stuttering, pausing, or confusion. She had a long road to recovery, which she spoke about at the NC State commencement. The speech now has 10 million views on TikTok and 13 million views on Facebook.

00:01:12 – Kelsey O’Connor
So I had never really given a speech before. It was kind of something where my family was all coming into town for graduation, and I wanted to do something kind of personal for them because they really helped me when I had some speech problems recovering from my head injury. And so it was just like on a whim, I decided to write a speech and submit it as an application. And I was so shocked that they picked me. I was, like, freaking out, wondering if I should say yes or not because I hadn’t spoken to a crowd before. So it was just crazy.

00:01:45 – Jess Ekstrom
Well, I’m glad that you said yes for sure. Now. I remember when I did the commencement address, it was like you met with them a couple of times before they gave you, like, a little bit of help. But mostly it’s like, good luck. Was that what it was like for you or what was the training like leading up to the talk?

00:02:02 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yeah, so they were definitely great. They had a speech coach work with me two times. And so she was really great. Helped me with, like, my inflection and my pace and everything like that. But, yeah, otherwise it was just, here you go.

00:02:17 – Jess Ekstrom
So I want to get back to. I mean, if for anyone who hasn’t listened to the speech yet, which we’ll put it in the show notes, everyone should totally listen your story and how you got here. And it does have to do with speech because you essentially had to relearn language and how to talk can you give us your backstory and how this all came to be?

00:02:42 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yeah, absolutely. So when I had my injury, I was a junior in college.

00:02:49 – Jess Ekstrom
You’re playing softball, right?

00:02:51 – Kelsey O’Connor
I was, yeah. So I was at practice and I was running to second base, and our shortstop was coming through to make a double play. And so as I was sliding into second base, her, like, full momentum, full body knee first just came straight into my face. So I collided with her as I was sliding into the base. And yeah, it was. It was pretty bad because I had already had about three concussions when I was in high school. And so the more that you have, kind of the harder it is to recover sometimes. And so, um, that one just kind of compounded as a jaw injury, a neck injury, a head injury, and it was just. It was pretty brutal. So, yes, that ultimately ended my. My softball career.

00:03:30 – Jess Ekstrom
Um, and in the moment, did you know that this was career ending? Okay.

00:03:35 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yeah, yeah, I did. I think almost immediately it was just such intense pain and fear and having had them before, like, this one was just so different. Yeah, almost immediately. And I think it took a lot of, like, it took a few weeks of denial that it was so bad because I obviously wanted to play, but just kind of over time, some of those cognitive symptoms that were just really scary, like I was not the same person, just kind of. It became really clear that it just wasn’t really an option to put myself at risk anymore. So.

00:04:08 – Jess Ekstrom
And what was the series of events like after the injury? What was that?

00:04:16 – Kelsey O’Connor
So I moved home for about two weeks. And honestly, just for the, like, those two weeks, like, I was off of school, let my team know that I would be taking the rest of the fall off, and I just kind of like rested and tried to eat well and whatever. And then the last few weeks of school was really just trying to not fall out of school so try to pass classes. And my family was so supportive. I mean, they were just helping me to go to different doctors appointments. I was seeing, like, six different doctors for helping me with my jaw and helping me with my neck and my head and my neuro, like, neuralgia, and just so many different doctors I was having to see. And it was also just a little bit tough. My softball team didn’t handle it with a lot of kindness. And it was very much like, you’re faking your injury, you’re being selfish and show. That just made it a really hard environment, like, on top of everything.

00:05:10 – Jess Ekstrom
Absolutely.

00:05:11 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yeah. So that was like, a really tough component that also kind of happened over those few Weeks of just, like, losing friends and losing my whole identity and my whole community, like, all at once. So it wasn’t really just the injury. It was, like, also that happening at the same time. And so some of the cognitive symptoms didn’t really. I wasn’t really noticing them. My family was noticing them more. So just with the stutter was kind of later onset, and so was the personality changes, because, you know, normally you expect to be kind of irritable and sad and those kinds of mood swings right after an injury. But it lasted pretty long. Lasted like three, four, five months. And so as that kept going, it just became really significant. And the next six to seven months. So the rest of that fall and then the spring was just doctor’s appointments, recovery, rest, like, no more friends, no more softball. And so it’s just focusing on getting better.

00:06:09 – Jess Ekstrom
I mean, and to have that happen to anyone is one of the toughest life experiences. But then to be taken out of an environment like school, to not have that community of friends is, like, just throwing salt in the wound. What were. I mean. But then you go on to give this incredible speech that shakes the Internet, and you would look at you and say, kelsey has figured it out. Like, she is so resilient. She probably immediately was like, here’s the silver lining. And all of this, which clearly isn’t the case. Can you walk us through, like, when you’re down solo, how did you find your way back?

00:06:54 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yeah, absolutely. I love talking about that, because I think it’s so crazy even to, like, watch the speech or just, like, remember kind of the time of it, because just a year before, it was, like, truly, truly the lowest point. I think finding my way back. It sounds cheesy, but those kind of three things that I talked about in the speech were very much something that I tried to hold onto as I let time do its job. So I knew that time would kind of heal. And I just was trying to get through the day, sometimes one day at a time or one week at a time. And once I was out of a competitive environment, I really just realized how much I was comparing myself to other people, because I was always in this, like, realm of competition and comparison and performance. And so that spring, when I was very isolated, I mean, there wasn’t a lot I felt like I could offer to the world at all. Like, it was just me being still, and my family was absolutely my support system and my rock. And what’s crazy is I just started to really realize how the people in my life that I love, the Most their occupation and what they do has nothing to do with why I think they’re so amazing and why I love them so much and how wonderful they were to me and helping me recover. And then on the other hand, when I think of sometimes about strangers or my friends or even myself, it was very much like, what am I accomplishing? What am I producing? And so kind of just like, realizing that over time. I ended up meeting friends to room with my last year of college on Facebook, and I made this whole group of friends. That was so sweet. I ended up loving my last year of school. Like, I really just had such a happy year following that really, really tough time as I just tried to put myself out there, even though I was, like, terrified to meet new people because I just didn’t feel the same and just kind of letting time do its job. I ultimately got to a place where I wasn’t hating North Carolina State, and not that I hated it, but it was just so painful.

00:08:55 – Jess Ekstrom
Right. Had a lot of memories.

00:08:57 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yeah, exactly. And so I kind of started to separate, you know, NC State athletics and that really painful dream ending with a school that I still really loved and these new people that I had and the professors that I had. And so towards the end of the year, I was just really grateful to be there, and I was really able to kind of separate the frustration and the pain and just really try to swap it for gratitude as much as possible, I think. Just reps. Yeah. Day by day, just trying to do that and not let myself spiral into negativities, Honestly, just how I tried to figure it out.

00:09:34 – Jess Ekstrom
Well, I’m so glad you said reps, because clearly you’re an athlete. You’re a Division 1 athlete, and I’m sure that that athlete’s mindset was your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time, going through this, because on one hand, like, you know how to get from A to B, you know what hard work is, you know what sacrificing things for a result is. But then on the other hand, like, as an athlete, I feel like you were, like, more calculated, like, well, if I do this, then I get that. Or, this was the plan. We were supposed to win. Or this was what was supposed to happen, and this was clearly not what was supposed to happen. And so if I’m putting myself in your shoes and I’ve spent all this time devoting myself to this sport, and also, like, I would probably have a tough time wondering, are these skills that what made me this great athlete helping me or hurting Me during this time. Do you have any thoughts around that?

00:10:38 – Kelsey O’Connor
Definitely. I think that was such a good way to articulate it honestly, because it, it really was my greatest friend and my worst enemy. So I kind of love how you just put that because yeah, when I finished sports, I mean, kind of the stress to be productive and the stress to perform was always there. And so I tried to pour myself into more work and like grind my, you know, frustration away doing things which it was not serving me at all. And yet at the same time, kind of that optimism that you’re going to have slumps or it’s going to be hard and you’re going to get through the other side with time was also good. And I think what helped me kind of figure out that it can simultaneously be tough to deal with that mindset because it’s just ingrained but also like used to my advantage was just a lot of journaling and reflection on when it would. When it was serving me and when I needed to start to realize that I wasn’t in this realm anymore. And I need to start like chilling out a little bit with, yeah, I.

00:11:40 – Jess Ekstrom
Would love to learn, like, what are you taking with you as a part of your athlete mindset? And then what are you. Like this doesn’t serve me. Like, it sounds like the constant grind of this has to work is probably not serving you in this season of your life. But what are some things that are helpful to you that you’re taking with you into your career and like your next chapter?

00:12:06 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yeah, that’s such a good question. I think what I, when my career ended, I at first walked away with a lot of regret because I didn’t achieve the things that I wanted to achieve ultimately. And then I think looking back, I started to realize I consider myself a pretty hard worker, a really hard worker, especially when I was playing softball. And so when I look back, I start to process it without the regret because I feel like I did everything in my power that I possibly could to achieve this goal and pray for it to work out. And if I did everything I could and exhausted everything, I was kind, I was a good teamie. I knew all of the fields crew, all of those things. So just being a good person for NC State, being hard working at the game, then I feel like I can go through my life with peace knowing that I did everything I could, but I don’t need it anymore. And so I think when I am trying to build a speaking career or now that I’m doing some really exciting things, it’s Kind of that same, like, Rush. It’s a really exciting area. And especially when that video started to go viral, I think I had gotten past needing, like, needing criticism and needing affirmations that it was just a really calm time of being grateful for people’s feedback, but not needing it and not feeling like it was going to weigh on me because I had just kind of learned how to see my own value when I was playing softball and kind of walk.

00:13:30 – Jess Ekstrom
Kelsey, that is so insightful of, like, not needing. Obviously, none of. No one wants, like, criticism, but as an athlete, you’re probably like, tell me what I can do better. Tell me what I’m doing wrong. But we’re all looking for affirmation. And you’re saying, like, what if your confidence doesn’t come from either just knowing that you’re doing a good job? And I think that that in the speaking world also, I want to hear more about, like, what you want to speak on and all of that too, in the speaking world. One of the hardest things for me as a speaker was during the pandemic, switching from in person events to virtual events, because I didn’t realize how much I relied upon the affirmations of the audience when I was speaking. So, like, the head nods, the applause, the laughter, and when you’re virtually, you’re just looking at this green dot, making a joke, wondering if, like, anyone’s listening. And I really had to learn to be confident in who I am and my talk and how I deliver it without needing people to be, like, go round of applause. That was the best thing I’ve ever heard, because you don’t get that virtually. And so I feel like that season of speaking actually helped me become a better speaker because I got over myself and just tried to get really good at my craft. On the opposite side, I would find that sometimes I would focus on one person in the audience when I was, like, speaking in person. One person who I thought wasn’t enjoying it, you know, like that. Yeah, the one person, straight face, like, and I’m just like, Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation. Like, I’m gonna win this person over. This person has to like me. Meanwhile, one, you never know what people are thinking. Like, and two, you’re not gonna ever get 100%. Everyone that’s like, oh, Jess is the best thing ever, or Kelsey’s the best thing ever. Because when you stand for something and when you have opinions and things that you believe in, it’s natural to not have everyone be on your side. Because if you were just speaking for 100% approval, then you’re just gonna fall somewhere in the middle. So what you said about, like, not needing the criticism, not needing the affirmation, and just finding being comfortable and confident in myself is like, you are so wise behind your years. Is that what you want to speak on? Or like, what. Tell me of what you want your speaking career to be?

00:16:04 – Kelsey O’Connor
I mean, also, I’m sure that going from in person to virtual, I didn’t even think about that. Especially as far as speaking, like, even just the very subtle, like, head nods and attention of people, that had to be. That had to be crazy. So. But that’s really cool to kind of hear that. It was, like, very similar for you, and you kind of ended up using that to your advantage. But. But I think. So what I want to speak on, it’s actually been kind of crazy. I feel super blessed. Some of the talks that I’ve been giving recently is just kind of very similar to my speech, but I’m able to go a little bit more in depth, kind of talking about life beyond performance. Because I think everybody has something that they’re tied to. And even if it’s not like music or art or athletics, it’s impressing their parents or impressing their friends or being really good at their job or being a good mom or whatever that, like, looks like. But that one singular thing that we can sometimes get super wrapped into. And so just being able to speak on that in different areas is just pretty incredible. So I would love to just kind of keep talking about that. And also, I think my story has a couple of layers as far as head injury and athletics, and also just kind of navigating a tough environment and coming out the other side, you know, trying to be brighter and trying to just do good in the world. So just different things like that. I’m kind of figuring out my.

00:17:24 – Jess Ekstrom
Yeah, and I think that that’s like, one of the beautiful things about speaking is that your talk is like a living, breathing thing, just as you are, and it derives from your lived experiences. And you have these pretty crazy lived experiences that you’ve had in college, but you’re going to go do all these other amazing things and then your talk will evolve from that. But I feel like. And maybe you don’t have this same mindset, so hopefully this is like, you don’t even need it. But one of the things, because I started speaking when I was in college as well, so similar to you, and I felt like, oh, the thing that I became known for is the thing that I have to always speak on. You know, the thing that started my career is the thing that I always have to talk about. And so for me it was starting Headbands of Hope, which I still talk about that to this day. But I felt like, oh, I can’t possibly talk about like Mic Drop Workshop or even like this crazy family thing that happened when I was in high school. And all of these other stories that I felt like were also my lived experiences because I felt like, well, this is the thing. Headbands of Hope is the thing that got me this speaking stage in the first place. And I am just now at 33 years old finally like saying, actually I have so much more to offer and so much more lived experience than just that one thing. And so I say that to myself as much as I say it to you. You have this incredible story and it’s just going to keep evolving. And that’s the great part about speaking, is that that means your speech will evolve with it.

00:19:12 – Kelsey O’Connor
Thank you. Yeah, I mean, that’s definitely encouraging. And I think it’s really cool to hear, especially going into speaking, because there definitely is that weird pressure of like, what else do I say? Like, and I have seen some of your posts about like imposter syndrome and feeling qualified on what to, on what to talk about. And so I just think that that’s a really astute thing just to kind of consider is like our lived experience. Isn’t this one box of one experience that you can only share? I mean, everybody has, has a story, but that one story doesn’t define them either. And so, yeah, I think that’s a really cool point.

00:19:47 – Jess Ekstrom
And it reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from your speech is not focusing on what you’re going to do, but who are you going to be? And I think that that was so moving. Yes. For a graduation speech where it’s all like, what are you going to do next? What’s happening, what job, what this? But I also think as adults who are in like their thick season of life where they are at work or building a company and it is all about what are you doing? Not like who you’re becoming. There’s, I think, like one of the things that I think resonated about your speech so much is that it was something that everyone needed to hear, no matter if you are in college or you’re a 33 year old new mom with a business who has, you know, a quarter life crisis every day. And so I think that so much of what we need to hear as kids or as teens or as college students are the reminders that we need as adults. So I, again, I’m like, telling you the mistakes that I made that hopefully you won’t make. When I decided, I was like, okay, I’ve been speaking at college. Now I need to be more corporate. Now I need to, like, shift gears into being more, you know, I don’t know, like, how do I appeal to CEOs and all of these fancy people? I thought that I really needed to change my messaging and my tone and who I was to be taken more seriously. And I realized, no, the thing that I’m doing that’s working over here, which is to, you know, it’s very simplified. It’s straightforward. It’s reminding people of things that they probably already know, but in a new way. With my story, that’s still the things that people with the fancy jobs need to hear.

00:21:38 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yeah.

00:21:38 – Jess Ekstrom
And so as you evolve in your speaking career, I feel like the foundation, these foundational pillars of, like, you are more than your role and not, like, what you’re going to do, but who you’re gonna be. These are things that adult, like, we all need to hear. But I’m curious, Kelsey, for you. Why do you think your talk went viral? And give yourself a pat on the back.

00:22:03 – Kelsey O’Connor
But why do you think, oh, thank you. I appreciate it. That’s so sweet.

00:22:06 – Jess Ekstrom
I’m curious why you think it hit.

00:22:09 – Kelsey O’Connor
Honestly, I mean, I think pretty similar to what you said. I didn’t realize until it was just a flood of people kind of affirming that they needed to hear that. It’s just, I think something. Yeah, I think it’s something that I think I’m fortunate. I feel like I have these conversations with my mom or with my dad, and they’re so good about, like, reminding me these things. But not everybody has that. And so I think I just kind of honestly try to scale the love that is poured into me. And it was just incredible to see how many people hadn’t heard that kind of messaging at all before or had just been so wrapped up in whatever it was. And so I think. I don’t know. I also, I guess I would say, too, it was just very much from the heart. Like, I kind of memorized it, and I just feel like it was very much from my heart. And so I guess I’ll give myself a pat on the back a little bit. It was just very authentic. And I think that, you know, that vulnerability and honesty can touch people because I can’t relate to their circumstances. Nor can they relate to mine. But I think a lot of us can share a lot of universal feelings of feeling. Like we’re so wrapped up in our performance and just forgetting that it’s about who we are. And so just kind of those universal feelings.

00:23:29 – Jess Ekstrom
Yes, universal feelings. And I will also say something else that I think that you did really well is one of the things that I think makes a great speaker that not a lot of people talk about is when you hear them say something, no matter how many times they’ve said it, it’s as if they’re saying it for the first time. And I’m sure you’ve told your story about your head injury. I’m sure you’ve told you practiced your speech, but the way that you delivered it, it was as if you were saying it for the first time with people. And so people totally felt that. And if you all haven’t listened to Kelsey’s speech, we’ll put it in the show notes. But Kelsey, where else can people find you? And also you are a speaker. So if you are a meeting planner listening, definitely book Kelsey O’Connor for your next event.

00:24:17 – Kelsey O’Connor
Yes. Thank you so much. So right now you can still find me. I am growing my social media. You can find me on TikTok. Kelsey O’Connor 6 and my website will be launching in the next month or so. So if you look out for a website for me, it is coming soon.

00:24:32 – Jess Ekstrom
Yes. Awesome. Kelsey, thank you so much for spending time with me. I am so glad to meet a fellow wolf packer. Go Pack and I am so in awe of you. Thanks Kelsey.

00:24:41 – Kelsey O’Connor
Thank you so much.

00:24:46 – Jess Ekstrom
Thanks for listening to Amplify. If you are a fan of the show, show us some podcast love by giving us a rating and review and give us a follow. Ike Drop Workshop and Essextrom. This episode was edited and produced by Earfluence and I’m Jess Ekstrom, your host. Remember that you deserve the biggest stage so let’ find out how to get you there. I’ll see you again soon.