Quick Confidence in Speaking | Amplify Podcast

Written by Lauren | May 13, 2025 8:00:00 AM

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Selena shares the uncomfortable story of being pushed into public speaking before she was ready and how that terrifying blur of a moment unlocked a career she never saw coming. She talks about the hard truth of over-preparing, why winging it is a form of self-sabotage, and how to turn stage fright into fuel.

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ABOUT OUR GUEST

Self-Advocacy Expert, Selena Rezvani

Selena is a speaker, author, and leadership consultant whose work focuses on helping women and marginalized professionals show up with more confidence and self-advocacy. She’s the author of Quick Confidence, Pushback, and a LinkedIn Learning instructor, reaching millions with her content on leadership, confidence, and communication.

RESOURCES & LINKS

Read Selena’s Book – Quick Confidence

Watch her TEDx Talk – “Interrupting gender bias through meeting culture”

Catch her daily content – Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn

Amplify with Jess is produced by Walk West and brought to you by Mic Drop Workshop

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:01 – Selena Rezvani

Don’t think that your stories aren’t special enough. You’d be amazed. You know, I even made a spreadsheet with tags where I, I put my stories there because I, I don’t want to lose them. And we all have a way of like, discounting our own stories. But, but notice that the more you tell them, the more you’ll hear people say in conversation, that’s a great story. And listen to that. You know, bank it, keep it for a talk. Because I promise you, it may be that one thing someone walks away remembering.

00:00:33 – Jess Ekstrom

Welcome to Amplify with Jess Ekstrom. If you’re ready to amplify your ideas, your influence, and your income, then you’re in the right place. Today’s guest is my friend Selena Rezvani, an internationally known leadership speaker, TEDx speaker, LinkedIn top voice, and bestselling author who helps people show up with more confidence, presence, and self advocacy. In this episode, we talk about practical, real world ways to boost your confidence, how to show up for high stakes moments, how to turn nerves into energy, and how to become your own best friend when self doubt creeps. In her book, Quick confidence might make it seem like she’s always been a natural on stage. But back at 24 years old, that wasn’t exactly the case.

00:01:23 – Selena Rezvani

I get a new boss, and one of the first things she requires of all of us is you need to publish three articles a year and you need to speak at conferences and win those presentation spots twice a year. And I was so nervous and so uncomfortable, I can remember with that, that requirement, like, who does this woman think she is asking me to go this far out of my comfort zone, Right? I thought I had this safe, little predictable role, and sure enough, I worked towards those goals. I pitched myself some presentations and got those. The first one, Jess, was a complete blur, which you probably can understand.

00:02:06 – Jess Ekstrom

I know how that is. Yeah.

00:02:07 – Selena Rezvani

And I even remember a man in the audience, like, pulling me aside afterwards and like, giving me some gentle advice. But I’m so glad for that boss’s requirement, you know, for her, you know, pushing me at the, to the edge of the branch and kind of requiring me to fly. It stoked a love of not just writing, but also speaking and a big part of how I make my living now.

00:02:35 – Jess Ekstrom

And I feel like maybe her mindset behind that mandate was like exposure therapy, you know, and maybe, I mean, because I know it. To even pitch yourself to speak requires a level of knowing you’re gonna get rejected. And speaking for the first time requires a level of understanding that hey, this is gonna be a blur. This isn’t gonna be perfect. And so do you think that that’s like, as someone who works now, like, helps bosses become better and who works in that space, what do you think her, like, mo was with that mandate?

00:03:11 – Selena Rezvani

Yeah, I think it was part building our confidence, exposure therapy, like you said, trusting ourselves that we could fly. And on a practical note, we were a new practice, so she was wanting to kind of get the word out that we existed and show, you know, some representation. And so I think it was smart on a practical level. And just the, the cherry on the Sunday at the end of that was, even though I was like Bambi with the buckling knees in those first presentations, it turned into representing the company in front of media with global studies and real stretch opportunities just from taking those first initial moves.

00:03:55 – Jess Ekstrom

I think it’s so underutilized right now for companies to take some of their employees and develop them as thought leaders on the company’s behalf. I know that it’s some companies are catching on and doing that, but I think more definitely should be, how did you develop your confidence? You’re clearly the confidence queen. You have a best selling book called Quick Confidence. Like, talk to me. As a kid, were you always confident?

00:04:25 – Selena Rezvani

You know, I’d say it was like a boomerang. I started out hammy and very confident. I’m the youngest of four kids, so I think you need a certain hardiness and jokeiness to be the fourth and, and that was certainly the case. That felt natural. But like a lot of people, teenage years, college, 20s, terrible, such a kind of decrease in confidence. And at the same time, you’re kind of searching for who you are, what your purpose is, what you want to do as a next step. Even so, I would say it’s kind of come around like a boomerang. I’m in my 40s now, and I feel so much more confident that I did in those early years. You know, I feel like if I had to distill it down, so much of it is taking imperfect action. You know, not sitting on the sidelines thinking about it, or talking to seven friends or, you know, having another think about it, or getting two more degrees, but taking that imperfect action and getting reps at whatever it is you want to do because the, you know, confidence is found in the reps. How do.

00:05:43 – Jess Ekstrom

You have an example of like, is there a time that you learned that the hard way? I definitely have had things that I’ve never done. Like, for example, I have, you know, 75% done of a novel that I’ve like worked on for, you know, years. When I say worked on, I mean I went through a sprint and now it’s just like sitting in a Google Doc somewhere where I feel like we can like, I mean, analysis paralysis, think ourselves into. But what if no one likes it? What if. And I feel like the older that I get, the less intuitive I think I have become with when to just like fire and do things. Because now I have so much data of like, well, that might be really hard or that might be, you know, might go this way. And I feel like, you know, I started my companies like early on because I wasn’t thinking and that was actually a benefit. So do you have any kind of like examples of that? Of maybe when you learned imperfect action the hard way?

00:06:47 – Selena Rezvani

Yeah, you know, a few ways. I think one thing I always wanted to do after finishing getting a college degree, I wanted to get an mba, but I had taken social work and psychology as my undergrad. That felt like a very unfamiliar world and very intimidating to be honest. And so I kept putting it off and like, nope, not this year, you know, Nope. Let me think about that more, let me talk to more people. Kind of what I was describing. And it was one of the most enriching things, you know, life wise professionally I ever did, you know, especially in the first half of my career when I finally did it. And I think I started to realize, you know what, sitting in the dugout watching everyone else play, I can’t point to anything I’ve ever gotten from that. Like, show me a thing that came from that. Besides maybe this illusion of security now getting in there and playing the game and getting dirty and screwing up and trying it again and getting 2% better that I can point to as having helped me get, practice, try learn something I don’t like and won’t go back to or learn what I love. So I think it was realizing, wow, action beats overthinking every time. And I wish I had done that sooner. And just a different example was early on in my public speaking under preparing for a talk and realizing how lousy that felt. I think that was an important example. Like, it’s great to go to the very end of the limb of the branch and know you can fly. But it’s another thing to kind of set yourself up with too higher risk, you know, to potentially fail. And I definitely learned from that. I was like, ugh, I don’t want to feel this way again.

00:08:50 – Jess Ekstrom

Oh my gosh, I’ve had so many People that. I’m like, well, what is it? You know, they come to me and they wonder why they’re not getting paid to speak. And I’m like, well, when you do speak, what’s your talk? Like, what’s, you know, what’s your keynote? And they’re like, I just go up there and wing it. You know, whatever the audience needs, whatever is in the moment. And I’m like, no one is gonna pay you five figures to go up there and wing it.

00:09:19 – Selena Rezvani

Right?

00:09:20 – Jess Ekstrom

Yeah. And so I think that sometimes there’s this, like, pride that people have in being unprepared. You know, it’s like when you were in the high school and you, oh, I didn’t study at all. Did you study? I didn’t study at all for this exam. And it’s like, no, we gotta. We’re. This is our job. We gotta be prepared to do it. So I want to get into. You have some really great tactical tips that we can use today to get that quick hit of confidence. And that first one is rounding ter turning nerves into energy. We all get nervous no matter how prepared we are. How do we turn them into energy?

00:09:55 – Selena Rezvani

I mentioned earlier taking imperfect action. And I think this is important. I heard a mentor say to me, you’re not nervous. You’re underprepared. And so just like we were talking about, do the preparation. For me, as a public speaker, this is the most painful part of my job, for whatever reason for me is the rehearsals is doing that. It’s like, I want to do anything but that for. For whatever reason, even though I know it’s really instrumental. So something that’s helped me is to lower the bar a little bit with those practices to turn your nerves into energy. A messy practice is better than no practice. So let yourself do it. You know, I’m going to do a mumble read of this talk, you know, and that’s where you’re kind of mumbling it. You’re maybe going a little faster. You’re skimming at times. That’s okay, right? A messy practice is better than none. So err on the side of practicing. You know, there’s an old saying in distance running, I’m a distance runner, a very slow one. And we tell newbies, respect the distance. You know, don’t train for a 10k, like it’s a 1k. And it’s the same here, right when you’re speaking, you want to turn those nerves into energy. Respect the talk you’re giving. If it’s 45 minutes, you need to Go over the terrain of that 45 minutes more than once, maybe more than five times.

00:11:27 – Jess Ekstrom

Right.

00:11:28 – Selena Rezvani

I can’t give you the perfect number for you, but to really know your mile markers and to know your points.

00:11:35 – Jess Ekstrom

You also talk about using our body language. What are some ways that we can use our body language to help get that confidence?

00:11:44 – Selena Rezvani

Yeah, so this is something a little bit counterintuitive, but it helped me really channel confidence as a speaker, and that is to be a little more theatrical and dramatic. And I’m talking about even little things when you’re telling a story, acting more things out. I noticed at a point where I’m talking about a conflict when I acted out and I have one person with a crabby face and their arms crossed, people started laughing. Right. We all like a story. I attended one of your webinars a long time ago, and while I don’t remember every word that was said, I remember the message. I perfectly remember a story you told about yoga class. Right. And so it’s so funny because that that stuff sticks. And so using stories, you know, using your body to tell some of the stories, I think I also changed my physicality. I started using what I call surfer stance. You know, where your legs are a little more. Your feet are planted a little more than shoulder width apart to really claim your full bubble of space. You know, I belong here. I 400% belong here. And sometimes standing with that ownership makes a difference.

00:13:04 – Jess Ekstrom

But.

00:13:04 – Selena Rezvani

And even walking, walking. You know, you could walk kind of like you’re in a rush at the grocery store, or you’re walking any old day down the street with your dog, or you can walk tall. You can stand tall. Like you want your head to brush the ceiling. Right. To honor the moment, to honor the audience, to honor yourself. And so these little but not so little things add up.

00:13:34 – Jess Ekstrom

Yeah. I was just working with a speaker recently who we were doing her talk, and we did the first run with a podium because she was really, really attached to her notes. And she. I was like, you, I’ll have the podium here, but you can’t be, you know, right beside it the whole time. But of course, it’s natural. She lingered right around the podium. She put her hand on the podium, she leaned on the podium. It was like really her security blanket. And then for the second run, when I took the podium away, not only did she start moving, but her whole presence changed because she was able to stand tall in herself. She was able to move, and therefore, her voice changed. So, like, the way that we position our bodies definitely Influences our confidence. And so anything that you feel might be restricting you, Sometimes it’s even like holding a mic. Can you have a Lavalier? Will that give you more freedom, you know, to move? If you. They give you a bar stool, you don’t have to sit on it. You know, you can. You can move around it. Like, I think body language also is really helpful. Whenever we’re changing the tone of our talk and you talk about embracing the vulnerability sometimes and that helping with confidence. I think sometimes as speakers, it’s like the stories that we need to share that have the best lessons are the times that was probably the worst moments or some of the more vulnerable ones for us. So how can we embrace vulnerability to get that quick hit of confidence?

00:15:10 – Selena Rezvani

Well, I think, again, this stokes your confidence, and it’s kind of counterintuitive. It doesn’t feel like it will necessarily. But making sure you don’t just tell hero stories about yourself, you know, it’s awesome. Tell some of the wins and the victories. People want to learn from that or hear it, but you got to tell the face plant moments, too, that were really instructive. I start my talk on quick confidence with my biggest career face plant, one that really stung. And at the end of the talk, I share how I went back to that person who rejected me, that company, and. And tried to pitch them something different, and they said, yes, right. But. But letting people in on the sting, the. The pain. And I think even better if it’s something relatable and universal. In your story, you told that, I remember in a yoga class, it was about that universal feeling of being the odd person out, not belonging and even having it kind of prey on your am I good enough? Type feeling. Most people can relate to that, right? Yeah. And same with the sting of rejection in my case. You know, if for anyone listening, don’t think that your stories aren’t special enough, I spent a long. A long time there thinking, like, well, these aren’t special enough to tell. You’d be amazed. You know, I even made a spreadsheet with tags where I. I put my stories there because I. I don’t want to lose them. And we all have a way of, like, discounting our own stories. But. But notice it, the more you tell them, the more you’ll hear people say in conversation, that’s a great story. And listen to that. You know, bank it. Keep it for a talk, because I promise you, it may be that one thing someone walks away remembering.

00:17:09 – Jess Ekstrom

I mean, in the thing that the story that you’ve Heard. It’s so funny you say that yoga story. I haven’t told that story in years because I was, like, tired of it, but now I’m like, oh. Even though I have heard that story in my head and told it a million times, it was the first time you heard it that day. And so sometimes we discount our stories because they seem redundant or repetitive or mundane to us. But it’s like you said, it’s. People want to be able to relate to who the speaker is, and so that’s important to. To kind of bring it all together. Do you have what is, like, the number one thing that you think people should do for those quick confidence boosts in bigger moments? Or maybe it’s like a mindset or a reframe that we’re all out here just trying to go for it. What is. What is your advice?

00:18:02 – Selena Rezvani

Yeah, it’s. It’s something my mom taught me. There was a time in my teenage years where she worked two jobs, and everyone would say, how are you doing that? How do you do that? And she was like, I have to be my own best friend. And I feel like when we have a daunting big moment, I’m happy. I happen to have a daunting week this week that I’m just staring down and, wow, it feels like a lot. When I say, be your own best friend, I mean some practical things. I mean, move up your timeline that week, that day, whatever it may be, meaning pack early, prep earlier than you think you need to. Just like you wouldn’t send a kid you love to a soccer tournament with the wrong shoes and no jersey, right? You try to set them up to succeed because you care about them. Treat yourself like you are worthy and you’re somebody worth doing the prep and putting in the effort for. I might make meals ahead of time so that I’m not eating weird vending machine food, and that even if the week goes sideways, I know I have the basics covered. So taking care of your basics and necessities, that’s one way to be your own friend. Moving up your timeline so you’re doing things in advance. You’re not adding chaos to your flying day or your presentation day. You’re not heaping on more stress for yourself. And I think, watch yourself talk this easy. Time to go, oh, my goodness, I’m screwed. Or this is. There’s too much. I’m never. I’m sunk. You know, we can all do that. Making a purposeful point to say things like, I’m prepared. I especially love that because it’s factual. You know, it’s not just an affirmation. Pie in the sky. Hope it’s, you know, if you’ve prepared and repeating that to yourself can be really affirming.

00:20:04 – Jess Ekstrom

I love that.

00:20:06 – Selena Rezvani

One more thing I would just say is visualize the after party, you know, whatever that is for you. Sometimes it’s me sitting in a restaurant in the airport after the fact. No.

00:20:19 – Jess Ekstrom

Waiting for some chips and guac. That’s what I love to do.

00:20:22 – Selena Rezvani

Yeah. You and I would do this well together because I was going to say is my favorite way. Yes. You know, my ritual for coming down a little bit. Maybe it’s with your family, maybe it’s by yourself. Maybe it’s getting that, like, amazing slice of cake you’ve been wanting. Picture that after party and let yourself revel in it. Don’t make it a piece of content you just made where you’re talking about just moving right on to the next thing. Let yourself, like, feel those sunbeams and all that good energy and to enjoy the accomplishment that’s being your own best friend as a speaker.

00:21:03 – Jess Ekstrom

Selena, you are amazing. You’re everywhere. You’re a LinkedIn top voice. Your TikTok is off the charts. Your Instagram. Where do you want people to find you because you’ve gone everywhere? Yeah.

00:21:15 – Selena Rezvani

Yeah. I’d love for people to check out my book, quick confidence 88 plus tips in there to boost your mindset, your body language, even your interpersonal interactions. And follow me on those socials. I’m helenarezvani everywhere, you know, from Instagram to TikTok to LinkedIn and I share content five days a week. So jump in, join the conversation, share your challenges and your triumphs. I want to hear them.

00:21:44 – Jess Ekstrom

It is literally. You’re my favorite follow. I learn something new every day. Thank you, Lena. Thank you so much.

00:21:52 – Selena Rezvani

Thank you. Bye, everyone.

00:21:59 – Jess Ekstrom

Thanks for listening to Amplify. If you’re a fan of the show, show us some podcast love by giving us a rating and review. This episode is brought to you by Mic Drop Workshop, where you can learn how to become a better speaker, how to land paid speaking gigs and become a keynote speaker. This episode was edited and produced by Walk West. I’m Jess Ekstrom, reminding you that you deserve the biggest stage. So let’s find out how to get you there. I’ll see you again soon.

Quick Confidence in Speaking | Amplify Podcast

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