Welcome to Amplify with Jess Ekstrom, a show designed to help women get out of their head and into their zone of influence.

Happy Monday, everyone. Here’s some food for thought to start your week. I think part of the reason we struggle with enjoying the process and we default to just chasing a rigid outcome is because of a great, wise philosopher term we call FOMO. Or in other words, fear of missing out. FOMO happens in a lot of ways. Maybe you go to a bachelorette party, even though it is absolutely draining your bank account, but you don’t want to miss creating these memories with your friends. Or maybe you stay for the post-work happy hour, even though you are so tired of drinking, but you don’t want connections to be made that are stronger than yours. Maybe it’s even something as big as wondering if you should have kids, even though you don’t feel ready, but you see everyone else doing it, and maybe you think you should too. We are built to belong. It is human nature to want to be loved, accepted, and be a part of the pack. But when it comes to opportunities that feel like they’ll complete us. It can get tricky. That’s when we start doing what I call the once I blank, then I can finally blank fallacy. Maybe it looks something like, once we graduate college, then we need to find our dream job. Once we make the soccer team, then we need to win the championship. Once we get the promotion, or once we get the job, then we need the promotion. Once we buy the house that we’ve always wanted, then we need to learn how to grow grass. And I just thought houses came with grass. And I was in for a rude awakening when I bought my first home and didn’t have any grass. Or once we fit into our old pair of jeans, then we need to buy a new pair, two sizes smaller, and then fit into those. Once I blank, then I can finally blank is what I call our national anthem for delaying joy. So much of our life is spent in the pursuit of goals and dreams, but we also don’t realize when we’ve reached something we wanted because we’re constantly moving the goalpost. Maybe right now you can create an example of this in your head, something that you’re aiming for and you just keep moving the goalpost. I’ll go first. I would tell myself, well, once I hit a New York Times bestseller list, then I can finally write more books because people will know my name, publishers and agents will want me, and I’ll have all creative free will. Okay, maybe I got a little carried away there. Yours might look different and that’s great. Let’s just keep rolling with this example. Let’s say you don’t get the first part of your statement. So for example, let’s say I don’t hit a New York Times bestseller list. Or maybe you achieve something that’s a different version than what you had originally set out, something that’s not totally on your vision board. So if you don’t get the first part of the once I statement. Does that mean the second part, then I, of your statement is out of the question? So if I don’t hit a New York Times bestseller list, does that mean I can’t write more books? Definitely not. But it’s a belief that I’ve made up in my head that the next good thing has to come after this first good thing. What would your example be? Could you still find a way to do the thing in the second part of your statement, even if you don’t achieve the first? Most likely. Yeah, you can, or at least a version of it. When we put so much weight on singular outcomes, it makes us feel like our life is just a pass or a fail, which forces us to label ourselves as made it or flopped, when really our life is in the middle of made it and flopped, always, no matter where we’re at, no matter how far we’ve come. And if you’re looking at your track record and all that you’ve done over the past year and all that you’ve done is, quote, made it, probably time to shake up your ambitions a bit because you are likely getting bored. I’ll leave you with this. Don’t wait until you’ve arrived somewhere to feel like you can have permission to start. You can give yourself that permission right now. Thanks for listening to Amplify. If you are a fan of the show, show us some podcast love by giving us a rating and review. And give us a follow @micdropworkshop and @jessekstrom. Coming up on Amplify.